Today marks a 100 days since Mizah passed. It would also have been our 7th wedding anniversary. It's hard to not see it as more than a coincidence. Truthfully, the pleasure, honour, and privilege of the life we had together was all mine.
It would have been her 34th, but 33rd was to be her last. Though we cannot celebrate this cake with her, we will always celebrate everything about her.
“There was nowhere to go but everywhere.” – Jack Kerouac
Podcasts, video clips, and books that gave Mizah as a cancer fighter and myself as a caregiver some hope, strength, comfort, and wisdom.
Tidying the house after losing your favourite person who you shared it with is hard. Each object is a memory bank that gets triggered when being held. It feels impossible but it is actually just insanely emotional and difficult. Do the 'konmari' thing of expressing your gratitude and saying thank you to the things that have given your favourite person joy and comfort because it works in bringing closure. That 'spark joy' thing however is a lot more complicated.
How am I to capture these couple of weeks wholly, in all its splendour and range of human emotion?
It has been 7 days of waking up to the emptiness on the other side of the bed. There is a choking pain that sits between my throat and chest. It was Mizah's wish that I find the words in me again so that I can write my way through my grief and offer some light to those who may have to go through what we had to. It will be difficult, but for her, I must try.